As I sat in Church this morning I wondered again about my dad. Was he okay? Was he happy? Is he still suffering? Does he know how much I love him and miss him? Is he in heaven? I was sad thinking of all these questions with no known answer. I asked God to please find a way to let me know. Then I started to think harder....
On Friday the kids and I were driving to the store to pick up Henry's ice cream cake for his birthday. Elizabeth starting talking about Grandma and then asked where her pap-pap was. Cort told her he was in heaven. Elizabeth looks out her window up at the sky, and says "I don't see him". Followed by, "Oh wait, I see him. He is riding a bird." I said - a bird? She said "Yup, he is on a bird, and oh there is Georgie" George was my familys' labrador who passed away in June 2010. I had no idea Elizabeth even knew George was in heaven. She started to laugh at George and my dad, riding this bird. Then she called out "Hi Pap-Pap. I miss you" and she blew a kiss.
When I remembered this conversation during Mass today it brought a smile to my face. I started to think, maybe Daddy is showing me he is okay, at peace, and happy in Heaven. Maybe through Elizabeth he is letting me know it is okay to go on and not to be sad.
This afternoon after working on the lawn for quite a while I decided to put my theory to a test. I asked Elizabeth, "Do you see Pap-Pap today?" She turned around looking up at the sky. She said "No". Then she turned around again and pointed to a large cloud. She said "There he is, sitting on that cloud." I said "Really?" She said "Yes, Hi Pap-Pap. I love you."
I looked very hard at that cloud and with tears in my eyes said "Hi Daddy Monz. I love you and I miss you terribly" and I blew him a kiss.
Cort and his pap-pap, strolling through the park.
Pap-Pap with his "Cliffina". (Elizabeth)
I still miss him a lot and that will never change but hopefully I can have a little peace knowing he is among the Angels, and no longer suffering, but looking down on all of us with a smile on his face and love in his heart.