Thank you Daddy - nearly 12 years later

I was trying to decide which of my favorite pictures to post today in honor of my dad, eight months after his passing. With my anniversary so close I chose this picture. Thank you Daddy for my perfect wedding, and for walking me down the aisle, and holding me so tightly that I didn't fall flat on my face. You may have "given me away" to Henry, but I am and always will be your little girl. I love you Daddy and I miss you more than ever.
RIP 8/21/1955 - 11/27/2010

Every month for eight months now I remember this day that my dad passed away and think of how everything happened so quickly and how unreal it all seemed.  It still seems that way and I am still overwhelmed with sadness and loss.  However I have now allowed myself to remember the good times too, and to talk with the kids about their pap-pap.  Daddy was always afraid he would be forgotten and it makes my heart happy that not only am I keeping him alive through my memories and sharing them with the kids but my children are keeping him alive through their memories.  I am so very grateful they had time with him.  He was such a wonderful father and a loving grandfather. 

Our wedding Anniversary is in a few days and I am so very blessed to have had my parents be such a large part of that very important day.  It blows me away that Henry and I have been married for nearly 12 years.....but that's a story for another day...today is about my dad.  Thanks for listening.

BELIEVE

As I sat in Church this morning I wondered again about my dad.  Was he okay?  Was he happy?  Is he still suffering?  Does he know how much I love him and miss him?  Is he in heaven?  I was sad thinking of all these questions with no known answer.  I asked God to please find a way to let me know.  Then I started to think harder....

On Friday the kids and I were driving to the store to pick up Henry's ice cream cake for his birthday.  Elizabeth starting talking about Grandma and then asked where her pap-pap was.  Cort told her he was in heaven.  Elizabeth looks out her window up at the sky, and says "I don't see him".  Followed by, "Oh wait, I see him.  He is riding a bird."  I said - a bird?  She said "Yup, he is on a bird, and oh there is Georgie"  George was my familys' labrador who passed away in June 2010.  I had no idea Elizabeth even knew George was in heaven.  She started to laugh at George and my dad, riding this bird. Then she called out "Hi Pap-Pap.  I miss you" and she blew a kiss. 

When I remembered this conversation during Mass today it brought a smile to my face.  I started to think, maybe Daddy is showing me he is okay, at peace, and happy in Heaven.  Maybe through Elizabeth he is letting me know it is okay to go on and not to be sad.

This afternoon after working on the lawn for quite a while I decided to put my theory to a test.  I asked Elizabeth, "Do you see Pap-Pap today?"  She turned around looking up at the sky.  She said "No".  Then she turned around again and pointed to a large cloud.  She said "There he is, sitting on that cloud."  I said "Really?"  She said "Yes, Hi Pap-Pap.  I love you." 

I looked very hard at that cloud and with tears in my eyes said "Hi Daddy Monz.  I love you and I miss you terribly" and I blew him a kiss. 

 Cort and his pap-pap, strolling through the park.

Pap-Pap with his "Cliffina".  (Elizabeth)

I still miss him a lot and that will never change but hopefully I can have a little peace knowing he is among the Angels, and no longer suffering, but looking down on all of us with a smile on his face and love in his heart. 

Work in progress

 This is the giant planter box that we had removed.

 The end result.  No more planter box.

 Henry's new grill.

 The deck.

 Half of the deck.

 Our house.

 Our gazebo and table.  The screen and panels are all tied back.

In the gazebo.  Notice my beautiful wind chime.  It is so pretty.  I love the soft noises it makes in the breeze.

We have spent these first few weeks of summer working on the outside of the house.  We bought three things this spring that have made the outside nicer and more enjoyable.  The first thing we bought in March, its a gazebo for the back deck.  I love it so much.  We can have it completely open, have just the screen closed or pull the panels for privacy or to keep the bright sun out.  The screen aspect of it is great because of how bad the bugs are. It has really changed how much we are outside.  The second thing we bought is my lawn mower.  For the last two years we have either paid someone to mow the lawn or I have borrowed from my generous neighbors.  But let me just say, I love having my own.  I can mow the lawn whenever I want and the height settings are always set perfectly plus I don't have to bother my neighbors.  The third thing we bought is Henry's new BBQ grill.  We cook outside so much more now that the new grill doesn't burn everything and shoot flames everywhere.  :-)  Below are a few pictures of things we have been doing, including some of the house and back yard.  Oh yeah, we also had this giant planter box in the backyard removed.  We hired some guys to do it and it was worth it.  There is so much more space in the backyard it is wonderful.

How can I not laugh?

My children are a constant source of amusement.  Every so often I try to write down some of the goofy things they say... here a few.

CORT: "So I made it into 2nd grade?  Yes! I have been waiting my whole life for this."


CORT: "If we have a garage sale can I sell lemonade?" 
ME:  "Yes". 
CORT: "Okay, I am going to sell it for.....$5".



ME:  "I'm going to the store, I will be right back." 
ELIZABETH: "What are you buying?" 
ME:  "We need milk." 
ELIZABETH:  "oh." 
ME:  "Do you need something?" 
ELIZABETH:  (after careful thought) "Um, can you buy me a DS?" 
ME "No." 
ELIZABETH:  "But I'm seven like Cort"  
ME: "No, you're not." 
ELIZABETH:  "Oh, when I am seven?" 
ME: "Maybe."


CORT: "Mom, what are you doing?"
ME:  "Laundry"
CORT: "When I am older I will have to do my own laundry."
ME: "Yup!"


CORT: "Mom, grandma does laundry better than you.  I'm just sayin'."
ME: "Thanks dear.  That's because Grandma enjoys doing laundry, I don't"
CORT: "Well I am just saying she is better at it."
ME:  "I know."